love

Love is a topic that no man can really find the true answer to it, but human never stop to look for what is true love. Different people got different thinking about love and also different way to approach it. For me, love is something so complex and simple that it's not easy to understand. For 20 years of my life, I had been searching what is love and stuff(this doesn't happens until 6 years ago when I had my first crush). Until I fall in love with her, then I realised that those that I had crush before were nothing but illusion. Those crushes, I only say I like them, but nothing more than that. For her, I say that I love her. Love is really profound, all I want is to see her smile everyday, I don't want to see her sad or down. I want her to be happy. During that time, that is what I thought. Then something happened, I was very sad, but one thing for sure, I want her to be happy no matter what.

Love is when you want that person to be happy, even though you are not the one doing it.

Ever since that incident, I put myself deeper into martial arts. I thought martial arts can make me feel better, make me forget you, make me forget that I once loved you. I trained hard, day and night, getting stronger and stronger everyday, trying hard to forget you. After sometime of doing so, I thought I had forgotten the feeling, I thought that I had loved you before. I was wrong, I haven't forget you, I haven't get over you, I still love you. How ironic, I tried so hard to forget you, tried so hard to not love you. But all it takes is just a simple word from my friend and it unlocked the seal that I put on the love for you. I never once loved someone so deeply before. Every girl that comes into my life, I just straight away compare them with you and found that you are still the better one for me. My good friends always asked me to think through, "you like her this much?". I can say straight away without thinking: "I don't like her, I love her". That is my feeling for you, love.

Love, is when even though that person might hurt you, you still care for them without reason.

I don't know whether you can see this or not, but hundred percent for sure, I love you. I want you to be happy. I want to see you smile. You got a choice to love me or don't love me, I got the choice to love you or to love you even deeper. Can we love each other as a couple?

Lacking of sleep

Crap, so many things come at one go, I hardly get any sleep. Especially the FYP is so tightly in terms of the time we had, I can't get a day off without working on it. With all the stress from FYP, I also had problem with my leg. It's chip fracture, which means a part of my bone was chip off. It's either I remove that chip or I just leave it alone, depends on what the doctor will decide. Also, I just went for my NS checkup. Take up a lot of time, but finally get it done. But yet I need to go back there 3 months later for another appointment because of my leg injury. How crappy is it? What I need now, is to get a smile from you, a love from you, that would make my stressing day to lighten. Can I have that?

Could this finally come true?

May be my close friends knew it already, but I'm going to say it over here. Things happened, life goes up and down. I'm not sure whether me and her are now going up the slope or not, but apparently, it is...at least I think it is. I sure hope things will work out, she is the only one that stands in my heart for this long even though so many things happened. I...only love her.

Finally got it straighten

After 2 weeks on bending the leg, I can finally make my leg straight again and able to withstand a certain level of impact. But still, the jumps in the training is still out of the formula and which means I have to wait for some more time in order for me to regain the ability to jump and kick with my right leg. Damn, how I wanted to go train, it is an unholy of terror that I can't train with whatever reason it is.

Got injured again

During last training, I somehow injured my right leg when I was preparing for next month's competition. I did a normal "er qi jiao" and surprisingly able to jump, kick and land with the same leg, which is the right leg. That was for the first time I able to do it, but it is also the cause of the injury. I heard a cracked sound the moment my right leg landed on the ground and I fell to the ground immediately. I limped to my seat with the help from patrick, soon after the training, I went to see a chinese doctor. The doc said it's a normal sprain, thus should healed pretty quick. This 2 days I had trouble walking, today finally got the ability to walk properly, but still looks like limping. I think I have to just take a rest before my right knee go haywire again. Again like early this year, I found myself still loving her as always. I wonder does she loves/likes me too?

Screwed up competition, but preparing to the next one.

Just now was the IVP competition, it was my first wushu competition. I had high expectation on myself and also others' expectation such as from coach and her, how could I let everyone down. It was the nervous that caught me in the competition, I slipped the cudgel off my hand for a bout 3 times and I fell once in the competition which is not a very good result. How could I make such mistakes? I didn't have those when I was practicing, so how could I did all those mistakes? I really hate that feeling, I felt like an idiot and retard after the whole competition. Crap, fuck, ass. But I can't do anything now, since it is over already. But this is also a good experience for me, this is to get me prepare for a fairer competition in the December and that I will not make any mistakes such as what I did today. I will succeed!

Something has happened again

I always thought that I had forgotten her, I always thought that the feeling for her already being sealed away for good, I thought hope already given up on me. Who would have know that just a single sentence from my FYP team mate can bring everything back into light. I thought I had forgotten her, but I didn't, I still remember her. I thought my love for her had been sealed away for good, but I actually still loves her. That was not the end of everything, recently she did a series of things that actually gave me hope that may be we can be together after all we had gone through, but is this hope a real one or just a illusion? I don't know, I just hope I can find the answer soon.