Another sad chapter of my life

Nothing in my life is a good thing, all the shit thrown to me at all possible things. One thing that I don't have which is positive is financial problem, but that's all. I don't have anything that other people have. I got no childhood, no luck, no love, no career, nothing, I don't get donkey shit. Think I'm being negative, I summarize everything I had.

1) No childhood, never play or had fun with the children of my age.
2) Don't have friends until poly time(which is only positive things I had)
3) A lot of career opportunities slip through my fingers.
4) I got injured at the time when my name was up in the list of being a CCI
5) I never had a gf before and no one believes me.
6) The only girl I love treat me as a brother.
7) No one understands me.

So you think I'm being negative, think again. Yesterday just add on another chapter of sorrow and sadness to my life.

2011 is here

Today is the first day of 2011, let me get the greeting off the list first. Happy new year, wish everyone's wishes be granted and a smooth year ahead. Well, with that off the list, let's see what happened in 2010.

Positive encounters:
1) I got "promoted" from an assistant trainer to a trainer, which means I got higher pay.
2) My students like me, both from my work and martial art class.
3) Got another batch of students to learn martial arts.
4) Went to china and had my sight broaden.

negative encounters:
1) I got rejected by wen yu for the second time or may be the second and a half time. Although she did considered me before, but she still thinks I should be just a brother to her and there she goes, a sister and brother relationship.
2) My knee injury doesn't seems to recover as good as I though and I also was made to injured my meniscus to be so serious injured that I need to go for surgery.
3) My job was all over singapore, eating up my money to travel.
4) Unable to go for taekwondo tournament and my 2nd dan grading because I was going to enlist when I want to take part those 2 events.
5) Don't get to enjoy myself before my enlistment.
6) Sort in a depression when I got enlisted.

So that's all that happened in the year 2010, seems my life was pretty blend and also bad for the year 2010. Let's see what I hope to have during the year 2011.

1) Get enrolled into a uni and study the art of film.
2) Get a gf(I don't expect much about this already)
3) Get my leg recovered.
4) Go learn brazillian jujitsu and karate.
5) Go back to all my martial arts training.
6) Smooth ride for my NS life.

That's all for the first post in 2011, happy new year again.

Surgery's over

Just had my surgery yesterday, now my right leg got this metal brace to support it. Can say that walking is impossible for me, how I wish I can walk again and then go back to train...

Depressed, depressed and more depressed

This is by far, my most depressed period in my entire life, it can be on par with the time when she said that to me 2 years ago. Every weekend when I booked out, I realised there are so many things to settle, there are so many more burden being put on my shoulder and many more problem arise once a problem was solved. What is happening to my life? I used to be in full control of my life, now my life being controlled by other people?

Ever since 26 of aug, my class faced the crisis of closing down, my right knee injury got worsen and I still can't walk properly for 1 month plus, possible starting of my career as a movie director blown, what else can there be to make my life worse? Oh, how about losing someone dear to you a week before? That's great...

Now, I spent my weekend dwelling in my own sorrow and depression. I need someone to bring me out of this abyss, I need something to help me solve all my problems, I need some methods to heal my leg. I don't ask for more, I just want my life to go back like what it used to be. I don't know if I can continue long enough or not.

Something inside me is changing, growing. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it and it's something negative. What is it......?

Going out

It has been couple of days since the last time we went out, to tell the truth, I am very happy with it. I mean really happy...

For so long, I had been wanting to go out with you, just you and me alone. I wished for it, but it never once came true until that day. We went out to watch movie, just you and me alone. Throughout the movie, I don't really think much about the movie but you. It is because I got out with you and I am really happy with it. After the movie, we head straight back home. I can be very sure that I sure bored you, I am very sure of it. But I did try my best to make sure that I can talk normally. I was so nervous and tried to talk to you until when we boarded the bus. I tried to make some joke, but can't think of any. Then I think you should get a relax, I showed you annoying orange and you laughed. Very true that I am even happier that you laughed and smiled, my heart was filled with relief and happiness when I see you no longer stressed.

Although this is the first time that we went out together, I am very happy. Really...

wooden dummy.

I feel that I need more to train, I think I'm getting myself a wooden dummy irregardless what my mother said. Nobody can stop my training.

I won't stop loving you

*sigh* my brothers had been telling me a lot of stuff, my own blood related brother, bing long, boss and bunny. All of them are telling me to let you go and to let myself go, given other people a chance to love me as a couple. They even go to the extend that you are a bad news for me, you are wasting my time and yadah yadah yadah.

To tell the truth, initially I did give this a thought, to give up on this relationship between you and me, look for a better girl. But I can't, because of one very simple reason, I love you too much to let you go. I don't know what happened to you in the past, but what I'm thinking now is to make the present and the future as happy as possible.

Before meeting you, my life had been colourless, I don't know how to smile and I don't know what is the meaning of being happy. But when you came into my life, everything changed. I smiled everytime when I see you, I found a meaning to live in this world, my life is no longer colourless, because you bring in colour to my life. No matter are you hurting me or not, I am loving you as always. Anytime and anywhere, you are in my mind...