Evaluation on love

Ever since the incident with her, I got a lot more insights on love and life. In the past, I used to think that love is the purpose of life and believed it. Me and her were used to be like a couple, but now is a brother and sister. After that incident, I think that I should devote myself in martial arts and work. Build up port folio and skills on film making, increase my martial arts skills, now that is the sole purpose of my life. I hope I can find the love of my life, but who knows when would that be, I hoped that time will come, but I doubt that I will have a gf even in my 30s. For now, what I can do now is wait.

Taekwondo grading, final one to black belt.

Yesterday was my final grading, once I passed that grading, I will get my black belt. Wow, looking back at the time, it has been 2 and a half years since I first entered my taekwondo clun, time sure flies. So when I go there and wait for my row to start the grading, I feel like I am going to take O level again. I was so nervous about the grading, there are 3 graders sitting in front of you and see you doing your pattern(套路 in wushu and kata in karate) and 3 rounds of sparring. The sparring I'm not afraid, in fact, I looked forward to it. It is the pattern that I am nervous, scared I will do good in it. Thank goodness it was pretty ok. Then here comes the sparring, everyone will spar with 3 different person. I didn't spar for don't know how long already, but I sure don't get nervous over this matter.

My first opponent is a guy in his 30s, pretty built. I was wondering whether I can take him on or not earlier in the day. But here he did something that I wasn't expecting it. You know the bruce lee shout "wata!!!"? That's what he shout when the examiner shout junbi(ready in korean, sounds pretty similar to Japanese). I was like "huh?", but soon I also get into my en garde position. To my surprise, his kicks was like slow motion to me. To other people in the eye, it might be pretty fast, but I see it as slow motion. He fight 100%(I guess, based on his aggressiveness), but the strength isn't there and definitely can't cath with my speed. I basically dodged and blocked all his kicks, every single one. I land a couple of kicks on him, but the most devastating will be the reverse kick in the head. Head! God, we are not supposed to aim at the head level, let alone I hit him in the head. Thank goodness I didn't use too much strength in the kick, just plain skill, or else it will be a serious case. One minute passed, we changed opponent, this time is was a smaller built guy. His kick are pretty swift, but was still a slow motion to me. I blocked and dodged all his kicks again, then I used a jumping side kick, got him on the ground. I at first want to link up to a jumping back thrust, but he was already lying on the ground, too bad. 1 min over, change opponent again, this time is a tall guy. I already wasted too many energy on the previous 2 fights, I focus more on the countering this time. Which means, I block one time, hit at the same time. I got this guy in the head again, damn. I do a double front kick using the same leg, one at the lower part of the waist and the other one in the head. I was like shit, another time? Good thing it is not hard, or else sure got problem. Finally the ring rang and that is the end of my sparring and yesterday's grading. Something happened at this moment, very shocking and surprising. Everyone looked at me and start clapping. I mean the entire stadium with the people taking the grading as well. I was happy in the heart, but too tired to express on my face or movement.

There are few things in common during the sparring.

1) I dodged the kicks by jumping:
A lot of the times, I dodge the kicks by jumping/hopping away from the opponent and cause them to miss the target, which is me. Also one thing, I think I jumped a lot higher and further, may be the training in wushu paid off. Thanks coach.

2) I blocked the kicks if I can't dodge it:
I blocked all the kicks, only if I can't dodge it or I need to do a counter. All the blocks worked and all the kicks are blocked down.

3) All the kicks are like slow motion to me:
It's either me being too observant and fast or they are just really slow. I can read the muscle movement of the kicks. I got once I was doing a 360 jumping front kick, I saw the leg of the opponent start to move, I was thinking "damn, his leg is going to come up, am I quick enough to dodge it?" All these happened in the split second when I was in the air. If it is me being too fast, that still is the result of the wushu training, thanks coach.

4) I was real calm when I fight:
For real, I was so calm and confident that I walked towards the opponent without my guarding position. Because I can blocked the moment before the leg hit me. How I walk? Those who watched kamen rider, especially kabuto will know how stylish and calm kabuto fight. He just simply walked to the opponent and then attack and that is what I did.

I felt real good with the clap, make me think that I fought real well. In short, the entire sparring, I was a total ownage machine. No one touched me, in the sense that kicked me. I felt so good after sparring, I just love it. Now I just have to wait for the result of the grading.

Tired

Today, I sort of like having a mood swing. I got angry on everything for no reason. For the entire day, I was like real pissed off. Then during the 6P, surprisingly, I was so sleepy and tired that I fell asleep while faci standing beside me. It is real surprising, because I was always the most active person in the Digital video and audio module, this week I got so tired. It is because of the FYP, I feel like a few days never sleep and was totally shag. Despite all the hard work and effort, faci said that he didn't see the effort in us. I was like "did you see my fucking eye bag and dark eye ring? Did you see that I dropped a lot of hair ever since the starting of the FYP?" Add on to that, one of my team mates just keep disappearing, add my workload to myself, I was so tired of all these. Hopefully the next FYP will be the best of my work.

Training camp

It had been about 2 or 3 weeks after the training camp then now I start to update, been busy with the bloody FYP, only if it is not stop motion animation. Ok, back to the camp thing. First thing, 4 stupid things I've done at the first day of the training camp. I forgot to bring my charger for PSP, run back home from CWP and get it. When I was half way to school, I remembered I forgot to bring the camera. When I go to take bath, I realised I brought a hair conditioner instead of a shampoo. Lastly, when I thought I forgot to bring a slipper, I realised it has been in my bag all the while until the end of the first day. That was real bad. First day of the training camp, first thing we do is the stretching. President(identity protection) want us to increase our flexibility, thus a lot of stretching. A lot of the year 1 are unable to reached to a higher level at first. Then the year one start looking for their "master" to learn either their preferable weapon routine or the fist routine. Until the end of the night, we had been training. Too bad that I don't have a student, that's sad.

2nd day, the first morning, we focus again, more on the flexibility and the jumping capability. When we reached 2pm, we started teh san da training, a chinese kick boxing. I did train under taekwondo for sparring and kicking, so facing the target and the opponent isn't difficult. The difficult is the fist, it has been so long since I used my fist to hit something, a bit not use to it. At the end of the 2 to 3 hours of san da training, my hand is literally shivering, that's real shiok, I love training. Then we got a wrestling game with the president. At first I do not know why the president can win so many people, after many matches and observation, I realised he was holding the inner portion of the body, it's real difficult to explain in words, go refer to wing chun for answer. And that's it, I realised the correct way of winning him, I told the technique(based on the knowledge of wing chun, I trained in wing chun) to rong bing, he uses the technique, yeah, he did gain a bit of upper hand. But still, he is unable to pull the president down, but he also avoided being thrown, which is a good thing. That proved that my technique is correct and workable. Then we had the dinner and a little of stretching and then we went to sleep.

3rd day, we woke up at 6 and went for a jogging and stretching again and again before we go for breakfast. After the breakfast, everyone was so tired that they are unable to do any more work out. Literally, everyone of the trainees. President told us that we can sleep till 10 and then pack up and go home. After all these training, finally it's over. I love all these training, it benefits me a lot. After dismiss, we went to help out in wan ling's FYP sensory test. After the test, we waited at the next door, chatted and watched video while waiting for wan ling to finish everything. When wan ling finished, it is about 7pm already. We went for dinner and then go home.

Shopping with the stars

We had been talking that we need to go out and shop for some clothing, like a lot of the stars don't have much things to wear. So one day, we decide to go out and shop at far east after the training on the last friday. We went to my parent's stall and had our lunch/dinner first, then we head to far east via the bus no14. When we got there, we start to walk around to see what we can buy. Overall, wan ling bought the most, eileen bought a dress and one more thing which I forgot what it is, I bought a black long sleeve shirt. After that, it is too late to shop as a lot of the other shop we closing, so we went to subway and had some chat before heading home. I will make a short music video based on the 6 stars pictures soon, just wait for it arh. Next post, I will talk about the wushu training camp.

Feeling a lot better.

It has been 2 weeks after the incident. I can't say I am hundred percent ok, but I am a lot better. I've seen through somethings during this period, I know that love can be decieving, even though the girl show that she cares for you, but it might be a different overall. Now, alvin try to ask me to get into another relationship, he said that she is not good enough for me, ask me to go woo another girl. It's not that I don't want, it's just that I still cannot forget about her. Sometime when I was alone, I will start to think about her. Although the pain is not there anymore, sometime I feel that I missed her. I already know that I cannot be with her, I can only be with her as a brother, nothing more. I need a bit more time for me to get into another relationship.

能这么容易忘记一个人吗？ Is it very difficult to forget someone?

今天到跆拳道训练， 心想会不会遇到她？ 如果遇到， 一定要装冷静， 不能表现出伤感。 誰知她没来。 我还想说太好了，至少不会尴尬。 当我看着训练场， 就想起我们在那一起欢笑， 玩乐，多好。现在呢？彼此尴尬。 想到这时， 我就非常难过， 眼泪就快流出， 我还是得把眼泪往肚里吞。世上真有不会被破坏的约定吗？世上有天长地久的爱吗？我不知道，但是，我知道我无法忘记她，因为我爱她，却无法再爱她。因为她已找到她爱他而他也爱她的男人。我只能像个大哥一样，在旁守护她，却无法在一起的男人。咳，情为何物？

Today I went to the taekwondo training as usual, I was wondering will I meet her at the training later. If I did, I got to stay cool and not showing my hurted emotion. Who knows that she didn't turn up for the training. I was thinking at least we won't be in an awkward situation if she came. When I got to the training ground, I remembered that the time we spent together over there. We laughed, joked, chatted, played and walked home together at the same spot. At that time, we are not in such a situation. When I thought of that, my tears almost flows out, but I cannot cry, not when training with the coaches and the kids.

I wonder is there unbreakable promise? Is there eternal love? I don't know, but I know that I couldn't forget her. Because I loved her, yet cannot love her any more, because she found her fated lover. What I can do is to be a big brother, protect his sister. But I couldn't be with her any more.....Someone please tell me what is love?