2012

Recently had been too busy with so many design work, hardly have time to do something about this blog. Since now I have a bit of time for a while before shit got serious again, I decide to do a resolution for my 2012 and recap of 2011.

Achievement at 2011:
1) Recovered my knee
2) Got into army news, prevented my media skills from disappearing inside my mind.
3) Wrote a few stories, which might be able to work for my future short film

Since I'm in NS, there are so many things that I wanted to achieve but in the end didn't. Getting my knee a serious injuries also contributed to the lack of achievements I planned earlier of 2011. Now let's look at 2012.

2012 New year resolution:
1) Getting into this year's taekwondo tournament and get a gold medal
2) Train my martial arts into a whole new level
3) Get into lasalle or any uni to study film
3) Film more work piece for myself.

Honorable mention:
Getting a girlfriend

My friends would have noticed, "getting a girlfriend" no longer in the resolution, now it's just an honorable mention. I think after that incident, I had no more expectation for my own love life, it has been a mess and I doubt it will change. Instead of brooding over it, I shift the focus to somewhere else, like my career or my martial arts training. I think that's also a good thing, allows me to focus on something. Although saying that, getting all the achievements but no one to share the joy with, it's definitely sad, depressing and lonely. Of course, I still want a girlfriend who can share my joy and burden, but I don't have much or any expectation for this anymore. Lonely? For all I care, at least I can tell myself "I've achieved what I wanted for myself". I can tell people that I've done what I wanted and achieved, I've succeed. Some people for all their life, they don't know what they want. Even if they know, they don't know how to approach it or how to achieve it, worst still, don't even work towards it.

I know, I seems to be escaping from my relationship failure, that failure affected myself permanently and negatively. But I think that shift my focus, so all in all, still pretty good.

Recourse

whew, one more week and I'm done with recourse. Come to think of it, it's exactly one year since my surgery on my knee. It's not completely recover yet, but most of it was recovered already. But, not without any weird kind of after effects. Hope it doesn't affect my martial art journey in the future.

fluctuation

It's damn irritating to have fluctuation, 2 things in particular. My weight and my capabilities in martial arts.

My weight always go up and down, despite I did nothing to affect it. I eat normally, bowel movement still as good as ever, whole bunch of vitamins and other minerals. My weight still goes up and down, what is fucking wrong with my weight?

Then there is my martial arts standard. Sometime I can punch very fast, sometime the speed drops. I really hate that my punching speed drops. My kicking also fluctuates a lot, some time can be high and fast, some time it's just simply like shit.

Fuck! Please, stop fluctuating, I didn't do nothing to affect it, so just fucking stop.

May be I should...

May be I should finally put a full stop to everything I did and doing, let god do the judging and decisions. I'm not sure 100%, but I think from the stuff that I did and the sincerity, I think most girls will be touched, just don't know why it doesn't affect you one way or another. I decided, I'm just gonna be your friend, if fate exists and we are meant to be together, one day we will cross path again and walked together as a couple instead of a friend or brother/sister relationship.

For now, I'm just gonna stay focus on martial arts and prepare for my career and/or uni studies. I also realized I might be able to do the 360 spinning back hook, will continue to work on that. I also realized that my palm strikes are ridiculously stronger than my punches, gonna work on that and hope to develop something that suits me.

So long never do a movie review, hope will be able to fork out time to do a review soon.

Really, what should I do?

To tell the truth, I really thought through to give up on this and then wait for the right girl to appear. But who knows what lies ahead of me? I don't see myself to be as happy as other people, as in I won't have the happiness of being a boyfriend, husband, father or grandfather which most other guys outside there have the luxury to have. One very simple reason, my passion for martial arts had went beyond the level of hobby, it's part of my life. I even think that people can don't like me, hate me or betray me, but martial arts won't. I don't know if there's a girl outside there that accepts this life of mine, so far I also don't know wen yu will accept me or no, I wish she will, really wish... I guess I just continue to train, whether will there be a girl of my life to appear, I don't know...

武学是我的生命，但是我的生命却需要一个意义，这个意义，我还在寻找。。。真希望我生活上的意义就是她。。。。

武术界的悲哀

在现在的中国武术界，人人自己打自己，追求无谓的以武术作为金钱交易的产品，最糟的是很多年轻人练了实战性不大的现代武术。可能是1966年的文化革命，中国为了走进环球市场，把传统武功变成现代武术。现代武术几乎毫无实战价值，可悲的是年轻人都被现代武术的花招给蒙蔽了眼睛。在国际的武术界，中国武术被认为是废物武术，这也把低调的传统武术给扯进来。其实传统中国武术有非常强的实战性质，但被现代武术给盖过了光芒。我认为中国武术界应该有一个能站出来，把中国武功的实战性质带给全世界，让中国武术也能在全世界有一席之地。

一些所谓的武术名师其实也是因为他们把中国武术界搞地乌烟瘴气，把武术当成产品卖出去，一些老师的武术课可高达数百块一堂课。我认为这也是非常不当的。早期的武术名师，几乎都不向徒弟受学费，只是要徒弟把武功给传下去。其实武功/武术是华人的文化，是全球武术界的顶峰。但是这些害群之马把中国武术弄得乌烟瘴气，实在是悲哀啊。。。
中华武功竟然被人说得一无是处，这时更该有个武术大师出面，为中国武术争一口气。在这一百年间，有好多位武术宗师把中国武术让外国人闻风丧胆，又让外国人敬佩不已。叶问祖师，霍元甲前辈以及黄飞鸿前辈等等，都是把中国武术的实战能力展现出来。现在的中国武师只敢纸上谈兵，实战经验也不足，当然难和外国武术斗。就算有传统的武术名师，大多只练套路，不练实战，以致不了解很多招式的实战应用。

我认为现在的中国武术训练法应该要有更强的实战训练，散打并不算在内。因为散打不是武术，是类似拳击的运动，一种取他人之长，补己之短的运动。散打甚至可能取他人之短，补己之长， 这就已经失去了中国武术的特色。当然，散打的实战性能是不容置疑的，但是你在街上使用散打，没人看得出是中国武术。

虽然有电影人把武术搬上荧幕，使中国武术无人不晓，但也有人误解了中国武术的真正性质。武术始终是技击的方法，没有技击法的武术不能称之为武术，只能叫舞术，这也是武术界的悲哀啊。。。

what has the world come to??

这个世道是怎么了？

当男人花心时，女人老是投怀送抱，让自己受到伤害。
当男人真心一片的时候，女人却避而远之，伤害男人。
当男人心已死时，女人才发现男人真的是爱着女人，但男人心已死，不想再爱，双方受伤害。

如果双方都爱着彼此，为什么要玩 hard-to-get 的游戏？让双方猜个不停，双方却又不坦白说出答案？我不知道她爱我吗，但是我非常爱她，也不会玩hard-to-get的游戏。她呢？我不知道，她好像很喜欢玩hard-to-get。不管多久，我都会爱她，只爱她一个。

What is happening to this world?

When the man are flirting with every girl he met, the girl always like to give in and then got hurt by such flirting man.
When the man only love the particular girl, the girl always avoid and hurt the man instead.
When the man already gave up on love, the girl realized that the man truly love her, returned and then both party got hurt.

If both party love each other, why play hard-to-get game? Letting each other to guess non-stop and avoid to say out the real intention or the true answer. I'm not sure whether she loves me or not, but I'm very sure that I loves her. I won't play hard to get and certainly will be there for her no matter what happens. For her? I'm not sure whether she loves me or not, but she sure like to play hard to get. No matter what, I loves her and her only.