Who I am? What is my fate?

Who am I actually? This question bugs me for a long time, especially recently. I don't feel like I am who I am, I feel like I was someone I tries to pretend. It is eating away the real me deep inside my soul, I fear that one day I might not be myself again. What kind of a person I am actually? A kind person? cheerful? evil? What kind of people I am? I want to know.

Another thing is my fate, I think my fate is to be alone forever. Everthing I do was alone, running, laughing, crying, everything. The loneliness just stays with me so long that it doesn't seems to leave me, I got so little friends, so little that I can remember every one of them. I got no lover, I got no future, I got no dream, every I do is driven by my fate. I also thought that I will eventually over comes the fate, escaping from it's hand. But I couldn't do it, because I still need one more very important thing to win this battle. That is love, not kin's love, but a love that is between me and my girlfriend. I got the strength, the strategy and everything, but love is the thing I don't have. Without love, I cannot win any battle, even if I did, there is no meaning for me winning it. Love is the pillar of everything, the world and the universe. A man cannot archieve anything fully without love and that is what I need. Without it, I might collapse anytime, anywhere. God, is there really no love for me? Do you really wish me to be alone forever? Living in a world without love, without a pillar of light, a ray of hope to guide me through the darkness abyss, that can be the true darkness that anyone can went through...God, do you wish me to go through the darkness and stay there as a dark-lings? Will someone show me the ray of hope that guides me through the darkness? I will wait for it, till the end of time.