Life

I'm wondering what is the purpose of my life? No, I don't mean th career aspect of my future, I roughly got the idea what I want as my career in the future. I'm referring about the love aspect of my life.

For 21years of my life, I never hold a girl's hand before, I never kiss a girl before, in fact, I never had a girlfriend before. I don't know what's wrong with me, I really want to know why my love aspect of my life sucks so bad?

May be in the past, I'm a nerd and home is the only place i will go to after school. May be it's because I don't have much friends. Or may be it's because my personality sucks? 

For so long, I don't have much friends, I don't have someone to share the burden with me nor I have someone that I can really rely on.

My love life had never been good before, I'm always so lonely. I know this might have been said for a lot of times before, but I just have to say it again and again. Do you guys know what is the feeling of going out alone? What is the feeling of walking the path of life alone? What is the feeling to do something you like such as watching a movie alone? What is the feeling of crying and laughing alone? It was so lonely, empty. The feeling of lonely got so strong that sometimes I felt that I was devour by this emotion called loneliness.

May be some people know the reasons of why I practice martial arts. I idolized ultraman and Donnie yen, I was afraid of being weak, but those are not the true reason. The true reason is that I want to fight of the feeling of loneliness. I thought I won't be so lonely if I devote myself into getting myself stronger and better in martial arts. But I was wrong, in fact, I felt even more lonely everytime I got stronger. There is no one there for me to fight for, no one to train to protect for. Sometimes I think through in my mind. What will I be even if I become the strongest martial artist in the world? I'm still a lonely asshole walking on this earth.

So it all boils down to a question, what do I want in my life? love or a lonely martial artist? I don't know, I got too deep into martial arts now, it's impossible for me to quit. But do I want to sacrifice my love life for that? I really don't know....

Wen Yu, until I met you, that was my mindset. Now, I got a reason to fight, I got a reason to train hard. It's because I want to protect you, I want you to feel secure. I'm not like the other guys out there who knows speak but knows no action. I love you, I wanted to be beside you. Can I do that?

No topic

I don't know, I've always wanted to tell you that how much I loved you, but didn't get the chance. I always wanted to go out with you, but never had the chance. Sometimes I wonder why am I always so busy about? It's not like I got a family to raise, I'm just single. In short, I want to say that I love you a lot, I really love you, can you accept me?