Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Really busy and what the fuck is wrong with me?
Seriously, in the recent months, I think about half a year already or slightly more than that. The design work never ends and I don't seems to have a time to rest for a while. It's tiring as hell, I need time to rest, to think and reflect, to train.
Also, I realized and perhaps many of my friends noticed something, I've been very cold towards relationship. It seems that I don't even care about relationship anymore. In a way, it's kinda true. Of all the things that I due with, relationship is the only thing that I can't get myself to be positive about. I think that's because the constant failure and heart breaking moment I had before. I want to avoid all these all together and seems that the only way to do so, is not to get into relationship at all. In fact, not even falling in love AT ALL. I know it's very extreme to say so or do so because of the failures I had. But I had enough of the heart breaking moments, it hurts way too much. Especially the most recent one, which create such a great impact on me. Imagined a person that you loved very much, turns out that she doesn't love you like how you loved her. That's what happened to me. Although I think I still hold onto a glimpse of hope, thinking that there will be a girl appearing soon in the future that would change my life. Despite having that glimpse of hope, I am very skeptical of such girl's existence...Seriously, what do I want? Do I want love and be loved, or do I want to avoid love? I don't know the answer myself.
Also, I realized and perhaps many of my friends noticed something, I've been very cold towards relationship. It seems that I don't even care about relationship anymore. In a way, it's kinda true. Of all the things that I due with, relationship is the only thing that I can't get myself to be positive about. I think that's because the constant failure and heart breaking moment I had before. I want to avoid all these all together and seems that the only way to do so, is not to get into relationship at all. In fact, not even falling in love AT ALL. I know it's very extreme to say so or do so because of the failures I had. But I had enough of the heart breaking moments, it hurts way too much. Especially the most recent one, which create such a great impact on me. Imagined a person that you loved very much, turns out that she doesn't love you like how you loved her. That's what happened to me. Although I think I still hold onto a glimpse of hope, thinking that there will be a girl appearing soon in the future that would change my life. Despite having that glimpse of hope, I am very skeptical of such girl's existence...Seriously, what do I want? Do I want love and be loved, or do I want to avoid love? I don't know the answer myself.
Monday, January 9, 2012
2012
Recently had been too busy with so many design work, hardly have time to do something about this blog. Since now I have a bit of time for a while before shit got serious again, I decide to do a resolution for my 2012 and recap of 2011.
Achievement at 2011:
1) Recovered my knee
2) Got into army news, prevented my media skills from disappearing inside my mind.
3) Wrote a few stories, which might be able to work for my future short film
Since I'm in NS, there are so many things that I wanted to achieve but in the end didn't. Getting my knee a serious injuries also contributed to the lack of achievements I planned earlier of 2011. Now let's look at 2012.
2012 New year resolution:
1) Getting into this year's taekwondo tournament and get a gold medal
2) Train my martial arts into a whole new level
3) Get into lasalle or any uni to study film
3) Film more work piece for myself.
Honorable mention:
Getting a girlfriend
My friends would have noticed, "getting a girlfriend" no longer in the resolution, now it's just an honorable mention. I think after that incident, I had no more expectation for my own love life, it has been a mess and I doubt it will change. Instead of brooding over it, I shift the focus to somewhere else, like my career or my martial arts training. I think that's also a good thing, allows me to focus on something. Although saying that, getting all the achievements but no one to share the joy with, it's definitely sad, depressing and lonely. Of course, I still want a girlfriend who can share my joy and burden, but I don't have much or any expectation for this anymore. Lonely? For all I care, at least I can tell myself "I've achieved what I wanted for myself". I can tell people that I've done what I wanted and achieved, I've succeed. Some people for all their life, they don't know what they want. Even if they know, they don't know how to approach it or how to achieve it, worst still, don't even work towards it.
I know, I seems to be escaping from my relationship failure, that failure affected myself permanently and negatively. But I think that shift my focus, so all in all, still pretty good.
Achievement at 2011:
1) Recovered my knee
2) Got into army news, prevented my media skills from disappearing inside my mind.
3) Wrote a few stories, which might be able to work for my future short film
Since I'm in NS, there are so many things that I wanted to achieve but in the end didn't. Getting my knee a serious injuries also contributed to the lack of achievements I planned earlier of 2011. Now let's look at 2012.
2012 New year resolution:
1) Getting into this year's taekwondo tournament and get a gold medal
2) Train my martial arts into a whole new level
3) Get into lasalle or any uni to study film
3) Film more work piece for myself.
Honorable mention:
Getting a girlfriend
My friends would have noticed, "getting a girlfriend" no longer in the resolution, now it's just an honorable mention. I think after that incident, I had no more expectation for my own love life, it has been a mess and I doubt it will change. Instead of brooding over it, I shift the focus to somewhere else, like my career or my martial arts training. I think that's also a good thing, allows me to focus on something. Although saying that, getting all the achievements but no one to share the joy with, it's definitely sad, depressing and lonely. Of course, I still want a girlfriend who can share my joy and burden, but I don't have much or any expectation for this anymore. Lonely? For all I care, at least I can tell myself "I've achieved what I wanted for myself". I can tell people that I've done what I wanted and achieved, I've succeed. Some people for all their life, they don't know what they want. Even if they know, they don't know how to approach it or how to achieve it, worst still, don't even work towards it.
I know, I seems to be escaping from my relationship failure, that failure affected myself permanently and negatively. But I think that shift my focus, so all in all, still pretty good.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Recourse
whew, one more week and I'm done with recourse. Come to think of it, it's exactly one year since my surgery on my knee. It's not completely recover yet, but most of it was recovered already. But, not without any weird kind of after effects. Hope it doesn't affect my martial art journey in the future.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
fluctuation
It's damn irritating to have fluctuation, 2 things in particular. My weight and my capabilities in martial arts.
My weight always go up and down, despite I did nothing to affect it. I eat normally, bowel movement still as good as ever, whole bunch of vitamins and other minerals. My weight still goes up and down, what is fucking wrong with my weight?
Then there is my martial arts standard. Sometime I can punch very fast, sometime the speed drops. I really hate that my punching speed drops. My kicking also fluctuates a lot, some time can be high and fast, some time it's just simply like shit.
Fuck! Please, stop fluctuating, I didn't do nothing to affect it, so just fucking stop.
My weight always go up and down, despite I did nothing to affect it. I eat normally, bowel movement still as good as ever, whole bunch of vitamins and other minerals. My weight still goes up and down, what is fucking wrong with my weight?
Then there is my martial arts standard. Sometime I can punch very fast, sometime the speed drops. I really hate that my punching speed drops. My kicking also fluctuates a lot, some time can be high and fast, some time it's just simply like shit.
Fuck! Please, stop fluctuating, I didn't do nothing to affect it, so just fucking stop.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
May be I should...
May be I should finally put a full stop to everything I did and doing, let god do the judging and decisions. I'm not sure 100%, but I think from the stuff that I did and the sincerity, I think most girls will be touched, just don't know why it doesn't affect you one way or another. I decided, I'm just gonna be your friend, if fate exists and we are meant to be together, one day we will cross path again and walked together as a couple instead of a friend or brother/sister relationship.
For now, I'm just gonna stay focus on martial arts and prepare for my career and/or uni studies. I also realized I might be able to do the 360 spinning back hook, will continue to work on that. I also realized that my palm strikes are ridiculously stronger than my punches, gonna work on that and hope to develop something that suits me.
So long never do a movie review, hope will be able to fork out time to do a review soon.
For now, I'm just gonna stay focus on martial arts and prepare for my career and/or uni studies. I also realized I might be able to do the 360 spinning back hook, will continue to work on that. I also realized that my palm strikes are ridiculously stronger than my punches, gonna work on that and hope to develop something that suits me.
So long never do a movie review, hope will be able to fork out time to do a review soon.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Really, what should I do?
To tell the truth, I really thought through to give up on this and then wait for the right girl to appear. But who knows what lies ahead of me? I don't see myself to be as happy as other people, as in I won't have the happiness of being a boyfriend, husband, father or grandfather which most other guys outside there have the luxury to have. One very simple reason, my passion for martial arts had went beyond the level of hobby, it's part of my life. I even think that people can don't like me, hate me or betray me, but martial arts won't. I don't know if there's a girl outside there that accepts this life of mine, so far I also don't know wen yu will accept me or no, I wish she will, really wish... I guess I just continue to train, whether will there be a girl of my life to appear, I don't know...
武学是我的生命，但是我的生命却需要一个意义，这个意义，我还在寻找。。。真希望我生活上的意义就是她。。。。
武学是我的生命，但是我的生命却需要一个意义，这个意义，我还在寻找。。。真希望我生活上的意义就是她。。。。
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