爱一个人好难，好累也好痛。周围的朋友不是成双成对的，就是已经有了心上人。我，一介武夫，立志成为一名导演的我，却没有女孩喜欢。很多朋友告诉我，要做个好导演，人生的任何一个经验都要有。我能说几乎什么经验都有，就是没谈过恋爱。
22岁的我，孤单的我，自从纹妤离开了我的人生，我仿佛失去了笑的能力。我的人生从新回到了无穷无尽的黑暗，回到了没有光明与希望的黑暗。朋友说我必须自己走出来，我曾经走出来过，但我是被打回黑暗的。我现在很希望喜欢的人能喜欢我，带我再次走出黑暗，得到希望与关怀，人生再次有光明，我会再次有笑的能力。。。看来这永远只能是个梦，一个实现不了的梦。。。
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
All the words that has been inside me
I'm seriously very tired, I always have problem to solve, difficult to face and no fruits after all the shit I had to go through. I hate myself being the one that always doing the work, I hate myself unable to talk, I hate myself unable to communicate and socialize. All these shouldn't be happening to me, but the situation proves me wrong. I don't have high expectation of my life, all I want is people to accept who I am. I just want to do the things that I like. 事与愿违，things really aren't going too well for me.
I am a person that been through hell that no one can ever thought out, I bet a lot of people are going to say there are worse hell than mine. I don't blame them, because they didn't go through the mental torture like mine. I blame myself for being weak, all these won't be here if I was strong back then. I grew up and matured faster than the kids of my age. The adults said it's good to have kids matured fast, more understanding towards parents. But that was in their view, in my view, I had lost friends, childhood and gain discrimination from the people of my age, this continues till now. Yes, all the early maturing does made me more well prepared for all the hell thrown at me in the future, but what I experienced now is all the discrimination and mis-understanding from the people of my age. Why? I just want to be accepted...
I never once had a girlfriend and no one believe me. People around my age had at least got attached once, but not me. Especially now being in NS, my NS friends asked me whether I had a girlfriend or even been in a relationship before or not, I said no and they don't believe. I know some of you might say "it's nothing, being single is good too", think again. I already don't have much friend and not many people understand me, if I had something happy or unhappy happened, who can I share to? The burden on my back had been so heavy that it's already crushing me, no one understand and willing to share my burden. I want to be in a relationship because I want to be happy for once, I want to share all my feeling, someone to care for me at least once. I'm not like those typical guy outside there, who seek sex in a relationship. To me, inner feeling is much more important that sex or whatever.
I just want to practice and learn more martial arts, it's a very simple wish. Just like people just want to jog, play basketball or swim, it's a passion. But for some reason, people disregard the people who practiced martial arts and treated them like some freak. Seriously, what's wrong with practicing martial arts? We are just a normal person that specialized in that area, but why are we labelled as freaks? Worse thing is even my own parents don't understand me and the passion of practicing martial arts. I seriously got tired of all these...
Sometime I just wish I was never born or I'm just all alone in the mountain and live there, no one to bother me and nothing to worry about...
I am a person that been through hell that no one can ever thought out, I bet a lot of people are going to say there are worse hell than mine. I don't blame them, because they didn't go through the mental torture like mine. I blame myself for being weak, all these won't be here if I was strong back then. I grew up and matured faster than the kids of my age. The adults said it's good to have kids matured fast, more understanding towards parents. But that was in their view, in my view, I had lost friends, childhood and gain discrimination from the people of my age, this continues till now. Yes, all the early maturing does made me more well prepared for all the hell thrown at me in the future, but what I experienced now is all the discrimination and mis-understanding from the people of my age. Why? I just want to be accepted...
I never once had a girlfriend and no one believe me. People around my age had at least got attached once, but not me. Especially now being in NS, my NS friends asked me whether I had a girlfriend or even been in a relationship before or not, I said no and they don't believe. I know some of you might say "it's nothing, being single is good too", think again. I already don't have much friend and not many people understand me, if I had something happy or unhappy happened, who can I share to? The burden on my back had been so heavy that it's already crushing me, no one understand and willing to share my burden. I want to be in a relationship because I want to be happy for once, I want to share all my feeling, someone to care for me at least once. I'm not like those typical guy outside there, who seek sex in a relationship. To me, inner feeling is much more important that sex or whatever.
I just want to practice and learn more martial arts, it's a very simple wish. Just like people just want to jog, play basketball or swim, it's a passion. But for some reason, people disregard the people who practiced martial arts and treated them like some freak. Seriously, what's wrong with practicing martial arts? We are just a normal person that specialized in that area, but why are we labelled as freaks? Worse thing is even my own parents don't understand me and the passion of practicing martial arts. I seriously got tired of all these...
Sometime I just wish I was never born or I'm just all alone in the mountain and live there, no one to bother me and nothing to worry about...
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