what to do?

成也因人好，败也因人好

Really busy and what the fuck is wrong with me?

Seriously, in the recent months, I think about half a year already or slightly more than that. The design work never ends and I don't seems to have a time to rest for a while. It's tiring as hell, I need time to rest, to think and reflect, to train.

Also, I realized and perhaps many of my friends noticed something, I've been very cold towards relationship. It seems that I don't even care about relationship anymore. In a way, it's kinda true. Of all the things that I due with, relationship is the only thing that I can't get myself to be positive about. I think that's because the constant failure and heart breaking moment I had before. I want to avoid all these all together and seems that the only way to do so, is not to get into relationship at all. In fact, not even falling in love AT ALL. I know it's very extreme to say so or do so because of the failures I had. But I had enough of the heart breaking moments, it hurts way too much. Especially the most recent one, which create such a great impact on me. Imagined a person that you loved very much, turns out that she doesn't love you like how you loved her. That's what happened to me. Although I think I still hold onto a glimpse of hope, thinking that there will be a girl appearing soon in the future that would change my life. Despite having that glimpse of hope, I am very skeptical of such girl's existence...Seriously, what do I want? Do I want love and be loved, or do I want to avoid love? I don't know the answer myself.