Feeling a lot better.

It has been 2 weeks after the incident. I can't say I am hundred percent ok, but I am a lot better. I've seen through somethings during this period, I know that love can be decieving, even though the girl show that she cares for you, but it might be a different overall. Now, alvin try to ask me to get into another relationship, he said that she is not good enough for me, ask me to go woo another girl. It's not that I don't want, it's just that I still cannot forget about her. Sometime when I was alone, I will start to think about her. Although the pain is not there anymore, sometime I feel that I missed her. I already know that I cannot be with her, I can only be with her as a brother, nothing more. I need a bit more time for me to get into another relationship.

能这么容易忘记一个人吗？ Is it very difficult to forget someone?

今天到跆拳道训练， 心想会不会遇到她？ 如果遇到， 一定要装冷静， 不能表现出伤感。 誰知她没来。 我还想说太好了，至少不会尴尬。 当我看着训练场， 就想起我们在那一起欢笑， 玩乐，多好。现在呢？彼此尴尬。 想到这时， 我就非常难过， 眼泪就快流出， 我还是得把眼泪往肚里吞。世上真有不会被破坏的约定吗？世上有天长地久的爱吗？我不知道，但是，我知道我无法忘记她，因为我爱她，却无法再爱她。因为她已找到她爱他而他也爱她的男人。我只能像个大哥一样，在旁守护她，却无法在一起的男人。咳，情为何物？

Today I went to the taekwondo training as usual, I was wondering will I meet her at the training later. If I did, I got to stay cool and not showing my hurted emotion. Who knows that she didn't turn up for the training. I was thinking at least we won't be in an awkward situation if she came. When I got to the training ground, I remembered that the time we spent together over there. We laughed, joked, chatted, played and walked home together at the same spot. At that time, we are not in such a situation. When I thought of that, my tears almost flows out, but I cannot cry, not when training with the coaches and the kids.

I wonder is there unbreakable promise? Is there eternal love? I don't know, but I know that I couldn't forget her. Because I loved her, yet cannot love her any more, because she found her fated lover. What I can do is to be a big brother, protect his sister. But I couldn't be with her any more.....Someone please tell me what is love?

How I wished to do that....

This song explains this post and what I feel better than any words now.

Kao Jin 靠近 - Sam Li Sheng Jie

Still cannot forget about her...

This is the 3rd day ever since she said that she wants me to forget about her, I'm still in shocked from then. I cannot forget her face, her smile, everything about her. Although we didn't go out much, but I treasure every moment I spent with her. I still can't accept the fact she had to be gone from my life, I still unable to accept. My heart still hurts when I go through the messages I and her exchanged, the friend finding website(facebook etc) that we had, worst is when I saw her picture. I cannot helped but felt hurt deep down in my heart. I felt all these because I love her, I didn't tell her that. I regret didn't do a lot of things, I didn't share her burden, I wasn't there when she was sicked, I didn't tell her that I loved her. Why am I such a pathetic guy? Why has it going to end like this? This is the worst I've experienced. Rejection is ok, but getting a bf without telling me? I will feel better if she were to tell me when she got one. It really hurts when I found that she got a bf....

I cannot described the pain in my heart. All I want is to share our lives with each other. I'm not a guy good with words, but all I can do is to be with her when things got worst....All has been returned to nothingness, I cannot do anything about it anymore. No more promise, no more beside her, no more....

Supernova

Literally, even my songlist on this blog got the song called "supernova". Shits was thrown in my face, hell broke loose in my world, my world plunged into darkness once again. I found out that she got a bf. Yes, I told her that she can get a bf within the time, but please tell me if you got one. That is what hurts most, I got suspicious on it, found out about it, then she tells me. I at first cannot take it, in fact, I cannot take that fact. Now that the fact came and slap onto my face and said: "Here you go, take it!" I don't know what should I do now? I love her but I also can't love her, I care for her but I can't care for her. I think I will go crazy. This is also one reason why I got into martial arts, I'm ready to devote my life to martial arts, not other things already...I really don't know already....

Frastrating

Recently, I am very frastrated. Things don't work for shit, my mind don't think for good, my life don't lighten up anytime. I hope things don't result into what I am thinking about now. I hope that it is just me being paranoid. I really love her, but I can't stand any shock that will post to me now at this time of my life. I hope, things will work out for me and for her.

*sigh, is this the end? Or just me being paranoid?

everything was ok for me until when I got home from wing chun at 3pm, saw something that gave one of the biggest shock in my life. I shall not say what it is, but it is about BGR. I know sometime I am being paranoid and shit, but you can't blamed me that I was shocked when I saw that message. I behaved that way because I love her, although I said those words, but you can't blame that because I love her, I reacted that way. I want her happy if she can find it, but something can be sure, I won't be ok for sometime until my heart got used to it. I seriously hoped that message does not implies to her, but to other people that she knows. But it is true, I wished he happy and I will go back to the darkest time of my life. Anyway, my life was in dark for the whole time, nothing has been good for me.

Dawn of twin vengence final episode

This is the final episode of the action short film I've made, I took a bit of rest after the shooting before I edit this movie, that explains why it took so long to come up here. Nevertheless, let's enjoy it. Oh yeah, my acting sucks.